I'm turning 30 this spring and I'm still trying to figure out my sexual orientation. I'm like Ted Haggard, in that my sexuality doesn't fit in a little box. And I'm a mega church pastor who smokes meth with prostitutes. No, wait, only the first part.
I grew up on a small town in rural PA. I thought I might be bi, but no one was out in my school of ~500 students. I didn't date in high school anyway; I was unpopular, and the guys that I liked didn't like me.
Twelve years later, I've only had two serious relationships. Both involved men, and I'm still with the second one. Am I straight? I don't know. I've only ever had actual, heart-throbbing crushes on men, but as far as porn goes, I'm mainly interested in pictures of women. I think I would enjoy sex with a woman, and I don't see why I couldn't fall in love with one, especially if she were kind of androgynous or butch acting. The men I'm most attracted to also have a certain amount of androgyny to them: gays, bis, transvestites. I guess I'm attracted to gender benders. Is there a word for that?
As far as gender identity, I align myself with Team Woman, but I don't really identify too strongly as one. I feel more androgynous. I hate shopping - malls are obnoxious, and I can never find what I want. I'm more intellectual than intuitive. As far as clothing goes, comfort and functionality almost always trump style. When I put on makeup, it's like a costume. I have a very feminine body: small hands and feet, slight build, small waist-to-hip ratio, delicate facial features. I can pull off "woman" far easier than I could ever pull off "man," and sometimes it's fun to dress up like an attractive woman. I like the attention, sometimes. But just because I'm wearing a dress, that doesn't mean I want you to carry my bags or hold doors for me. That doesn't give me a sudden appreciation for musical theater or romance novels. It doesn't make me prefer a spa over a climbing wall. I am what I am.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
I guess we're androgynophiles? :) Love your post <3
Post a Comment